Josh Hawley is gay. At least he is if you use the Missouri Senator’s own 2020 election logic. Firstly, I’d like to send my sincere apologies to the wonderful LGBTQ community for having to be associated with such an unsavory figure. The unsettling feeling of being connected to this loser will likely be the only thing you and Mitt Romney ever have in common.
Oh, and to all you Josh Hawley fanboys and conservative cucks, feeling triggered? You can’t do shit about this article unless you want to be part of cancel culture. After all, there is nothing more important than free speech and the first amendment. That means you don’t get to bitch about being censored while trying to censor other people.
I’m sorry, you probably don’t comprehend that last sentence because it uses something called logic. Anyway, your boy Josh Hawley is gay. Deal with it.
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It’s my duty as a patriot to reveal the truth
Now, it really doesn’t matter if Josh Hawley is gay, straight, bi or a furry. As long as his sexual preferences don’t violate any laws, he should be granted the same rights as everyone else.
On the other hand, if a Senator from Missouri needs to meddle in the election results of other states, then it is my duty as both an American patriot and private citizen to reveal the truth about Hawley. With that out of the way, let’s use his own wonky logic to prove his homosexuality.
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Josh Hawley banged all those dead people and prisoners who allegedly voted
You know how Hawley found out prisoners and dead people voted in the 2020 presidential election? He banged them. Banged them real good. Shocking, I know. With no other proof that these prisoners and dead people did vote for Joe Biden, this has to be the only explanation.
Of all these incarcerated individuals and corpses Hawley humped, some men had to be mixed in and if you’re having sex with them, that must make you gay according to Republican logic. Of course, conservatives could always admit they are lying and that the dead people and prisoners didn’t vote.
Josh Hawley is a Republican and they can be gay
Sure, Josh Hawley has a wife and kids, but so too did all those other Republican caught in scandals. Larry Craig is the most notable Republican politician to be anti-gay professionally and gay personally. Former California State Senator Roy Ashburn loved himself a good gay nightclub. Virginia Congressman Ed Schrock knew a thing or two about A/S/L when messaging dudes on MSN or whatever he was up to online. There is a long list of conservative politicians secretly being gay.
This is totally cool and no one is asking them to out themselves. Sexuality has nothing to do with politics. But voting down LGBTQ rights and taking money from a shitty anti-gay alliance like Hawley is bush league. Speaking of this so-called constitutional lawyer, since all those other Republicans that hated on gay rights were secretly gay themselves, we can only draw the same conclusion about Hawley.
Josh Hawley went to school in California
Coastal elitist Hawley went to Stanford University in California, a state that loves the gay community. And if Hawley was there, that meant he also loved them. Loving gay people makes you gay. Therefore, Josh Hawley is gay.
It does have to be noted that these kind of terrible logic moves that feature a valid argument created with false contents are the calling card of Republican efforts to overturn the election. Just because an argument is valid doesn’t make it true. But what I wrote about Hawley is true.
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There is lots of evidence I will reveal later
I know tens of people who are willing to present evidence that Josh Hawley is a homosexual but will only do so if they are allowed to speak with judges on courts I deem suitable. Alternatively, they may be willing to speak with select media outlets, but only ones that ask them questions I prepare. That’s not because they are lying.
On the contrary, it is due to the fact the mainstream media won’t fairly represent their accounts and instead ask them basic, common sense questions. It’s unfair for a journalist, or anyone for that matter, to behave in a such a manner.
Hawley is an old Anglo-Saxon word that means sucker of rods
Believe it or not, Hawley is an old Anglo-Saxon word that means sucker of rods. However, you would never know this because big tech continues suppressed the information. I’d tell you to look it up, but Google, Twitter, Facebook, Parler and Reddit in conjunction with Brietbart, OAN, Newsmax and Fox News along with assistance from Arby’s, Big Lots!, Napa Auto Parts and whatever Sears stores are still open have coordinated a campaign to kill this story. They are working in unison to hide the news that Hawley is not only a homosexual, but also a descendent from a long line of LGBTQ activists.
It’s true…it’s damn true
Josh Hawley is gay. These pieces of evidence are proof of it. I mean it’s no more ridiculous than every single conspiracy theory being parroted by conservatives regarding the election result. The best thing about writing this article is knowing Hawley will do something to piss off his base of yokels, one of them will see this headline and make it go viral because they are too dumb to read anything.
