The logic behind the Shamrock Shake is tenuous at best. Shamrocks are green. Mint is also green. Somehow St. Patrick’s Day is involved. They’ve heard of milkshakes in Ireland. Dots are there, but it’s not quite clear how they connect.
For whatever reason, the drink is hugely popular. It’s not because the Shamrock Shake is delicious. A mint milkshake is gross. However, McDonald’s has sold tens of millions of these things as well as an 18-karat gold cup featuring diamonds and emeralds to celebrate the drink turning 50th in 2020.
Quite frankly, none of this makes any sense. The only people who seem to actually like the Shamrock Shake are ones that have lived a very sheltered and boring existence. You know the type. They married their high school sweetheart, is a manager at some go nowhere job and shares Blue Lives Matter posts on Facebook.
That actually describes not one, but two people I’m friends with on Facebook who have both shared Shamrock Shake posts in the past week. What’s truly astonishing is that these people live thousands of miles away from each other and never met. But they might as well be the same damn person.
How did we get here? What’s the history of the Shamrock Shake?
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Shamrock Shake version 1.0
This monstrosity was launched in 1970 as another annoying way to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day in America. For the first three years, it was made from lemon/lime sherbet, vanilla ice cream and vanilla syrup. Basically, it was like drinking a non-carbonated Sprite milkshake.
Anyway, McDonald’s stopped carrying lemon/lime sherbet in 1973 which meant the milkshake recipe would be overhauled. All things considered, this version of the drink seems better than the present day incarnation.
Shamrock Shake version 2.0
Instead of ditching the Shamrock Shake altogether, McDonald’s doubled down on the concept with a quick revamp. Shamrock version 2.0 was just a vanilla milkshake with food coloring. This iteration also seems better than the current model. Anyway, v2 was around until 1982.
Shamrock Shake version 3.0
In 1983, McDonald’s rolled out the mint-flavored Shamrock Shake that most people are familiar with today. It needs to be said that this thing is super gross. The milkshake basically tastes like sweet toothpaste which is something nobody needs.
But what is most baffling about the Shamrock Shake is the fact mint has nothing to do with St. Patrick’s Day. Or Ireland. Or anything at all. The choice of mint is completely arbitrary. In Japan and most parts of Asia, cream soda is green so McDonald’s would have been perfectly fine keeping the vanilla milkshake with food coloring.
They could have also picked any number of other green foods. Green apple, pear, green grapes or honeydew would have all been better choices for a milkshake flavor than mint. Shit, Mountain Dew Baha Blast is green-ish. Make a milkshake from whatever flavor that is.
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Why the hype?
The Shamrock Shake has sort of taken on a life of its own. That’s because it is released for a few weeks every year and was only available in select markets until recently. Namely cities where McDonald’s felt there were lots of dumb white people who liked to celebrate a holiday they know nothing about.
That changed in 2012 when the fast food chain finally released the Shamrock Shake across the country. By then it was too late. The myth had outgrown the actual product. Too many people in places with the drink spent time bragging about how awesome it was. Of course, this meant every Joe Blow in bumfuck middle America needed to try it and jump on the bandwagon.
Which brings us back to the present. The Shamrock Shake is stupid. It doesn’t taste good. The people that like it are dumb. They only care about it because it’s available for a limited time or they weren’t able to drink it until 2012. None of this makes any sense.
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