Home Sundries Politics Donald Trump doing boxing commentary is the worst form of conservative pandering

Donald Trump doing boxing commentary is the worst form of conservative pandering

And then Trump said this boxing is great but could you help me out by donating tree fiddy...

Conservative pandering knows no bounds. It’s why lazy white Americans gobble up TacLights, $50 commemorative quarters, subscriptions to The Blaze and countless other things best described as shit. But Donald Trump providing boxing commentary on the upcoming Evander Holyfield fight is the worse form of it.

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Before we get into all of that, let me kick a hypothetical your way.

Would you pay $49.99 to watch a failed businessman-cum-politician with no real sports knowledge and his doofus, possibly mentally handicapped, son provide commentary for a boxing match between a 58-year-old man who hasn’t been in a competitive bout since 2008 and a 44-year-old mixed martial artist?

Maybe you ironically said yes. There are plenty of people these days willing to flush 50 bucks down the drain for “lolz”. However, there are lots of idiots out there who will pay for this train wreck and think it somehow represents value for money.

Evander Holyfield looking pumped up for his fight and not sleepy or lost at all

Let’s start with the obvious. This fight will suck hard ass. There is no demand to see Evander Holyfield do anything let alone box. Dude can barely string together sentences these days. How’s he going to put together a combo?

His opponent is UFC legend Vitor Belfort. If we’re being honest, he hasn’t been in a meaningful fight since 2015. The rest of the card is nothing but scrubs or MMA guys desperate for one last paycheck.

The only reason this event is even happening is because yokels are willing to handover $50 to hear Donald Trump doing boxing commentary. Yay conservative pandering!

More Boxing: The Art of the Boxing Dive

Donald Trump will suck at boxing commentary

There are two reasons Donald Trump is going to suck at boxing commentary. Firstly, the small-handed traitor doesn’t know anything about the sport. He will stumble through the names and say a bunch of non-sequiturs while Don Jr. acts like the things he is saying are somehow offending liberals. And that is the backdrop to some of the worse athletic action anyone has ever been exposed to.

Secondly, Trump is going to be begging you for more money during the broadcast. Chef’s parents on South Park may have thought the Loch Ness Monster was bad but wait until team Trump is blowing smoke up conservative asses before asking them for tree fiddy. That is what this is all a front for.

Actually, could the Loch Ness Monster be behind this entire event? We think this is about Donald Trump providing boxing commentary. Maybe it’s a misdirection. Just wait until he goes on some long racist rant before asking viewers for tree fiddy. Chef’s parents were on to something. It all makes sense now.

What doesn’t make sense to anyone with half a brain is the success of conservative pandering. You must really hate abortions, black people, democracy or whatever else to pay $50 to watch Donald Trump ask you for tree fiddy under the guise of boxing commentary.

And this is the absolute worst form of conservative pandering. Right-wing asshats are paying to watch something that has no value. Hell, you couldn’t pay most people to watch this crapfest. There is no reason to shell out money for a pay-per-view that will be less entertaining than a Becker marathon.

But don’t tell that to conservatives. You could sell them a punch in the face if it came recommended by Donald Trump.

Finally, a word for any conservative feeling a bit butt hurt after reading this article. Sorry you’re dumb and don’t understand money. As Don Jr. likes to say, I guess you’re triggered. Suck on that, dawg.

Conservatives Triggered: According to Josh Hawley’s own logic, Josh Hawley is gay